dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm too high and old for this...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
