i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
