Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
