my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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