wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
