a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
