He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
