Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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