I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
