We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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