I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
