He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
