I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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