fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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