i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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