I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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