Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
