I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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