Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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