I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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