JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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