hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
