my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
