I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
