u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
