I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
