I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Randomize
