we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
