i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
