so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
