you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's like heaven, but drunker
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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