Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
