Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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