I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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