he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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