he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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