I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
