The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
