even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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