just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
