There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize