You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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