Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize