yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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