my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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