Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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