im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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