Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
