hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference