His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.