8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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