My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i think my cat just said my name.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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