Plan B is the new Plan A
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
