so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
