quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
