i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
