I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder