she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom