then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
