Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.