Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real