remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.