My hand turned me down
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the liver wants what the liver wants
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.