At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
