i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So many bounce houses so little time
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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