remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
