Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
